- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you’re wrong
- I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it
with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that
everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my
- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you
still didn’t hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent some annoying
person from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw
a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney
and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”.
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid
it…thanks Mario Kart.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name
and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m
from, this shouldn’t be a problem …
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up
your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my
- There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning
your chair back a little too far.
- I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any
changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much
pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we
weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will
we still be friends after this?’
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call
back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the
phone and run away?.
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every
fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning
the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my bottom dollar everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a
ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
- I wonder if cops ever get annoyed at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.